Canada

i will be going to canada soon... i cannot wait... :D

Diamonds

It takes time
It takes pressure
It is black and dark
The forces to create it are immense
Dont run from the challenge
Embrace it
It can be done
Fight it
Mold it
Release the pressure from within
Let it shine in the new light
It is finished
Its beauty dwarfs any other thing
the light flickers and sways in its radiance
from the darkness light is emmited from its faceted face
the brillant rainbow shines throughout the darkness engulfing you in its warmth
Sorrund it as the rush comes
Diamonds.

Searching

When they look at me what do they see
Do they see one of their own
staring at them as if in a mirror
or do they see a monster
Intent on their own destruction
Trying to induce pain at every possible angle...
Do they see me trying to disguise my evil intent in the act of an angel
Or maybe they see me as their savior
A hero even
One to be there to rescue them when that evil monster attacks
One to stand by their side through danger
But will i end up causing more pain than i do good?
Did it ever occur to these people that i might be neither
I could be a voice on the wind
A leaf out of thousands of leaves
I could be a cloud in the sky ready to shed my tears at any given moment.
No.
Im that kid you see on that corner
lost with no where to go
looking in the eyes of others for that gleam of hope and acceptance
Where am I?
Im that lost little kid..... searching

Why so fickle?

Ever so fickle
Why must there be somethings easily broken?
Twigs
Glass
Bone
Hearts?
Why must we be so fickle
Subject to the ever so slight change in tune
Why are we so malleable?
allowing ourselves to be molded and hardened....
....only to be broken
Why are we so unstable?
Is it in our nature?
Do we choose to lose?
Or do we look to win but accept loss as an inevitably?
Why so fickle?
Ever so fickle

The path of a return?

is it a path of no return?
or is it a path trod by many to and fro?
I went my way you went yours--
I stand on the hill and look down on you--
you continue to walk forward with backwards glances--
uncertantiy in your eyes--
stop--
you turn around take a small step forward--
a liitle bit closer to me--
...
and turn back around--
will you come back up the path of the return?
it beckons and speaks to us both--
I choose my path--
you choose yours--
we will both endup at the same place--
hopefully u will turnback and we will take a different path--
together--

A much needed rant about financial aid.....

Ok so here is the deal, we all want to go live a lavish life style and get rich and live that true "American dream". Unless we are lyrical gods and goddesses, or uber nice at art or just happen to win the lottery, most of us have to work our asses off to just achieve anything. So us mortals go to school for say about 13 years before the biggie college rolls around. Now most of us probably think that ooo yea college fun, parties, a little bit of work here and there then more parties, then there are those that are like monotonous drones : work work work. 9 times out of 11 we get through college and into the real world or go to grad school. Think, America wants us to be smart, America wants us to achieve higher education, America wants to see us as the next doctors or the next astronaut, or whatever. But America doesn't want to pay for us. Aint that a shame. Most of us have dreams. Most of us have ambitions. Most of us aim high. Most of us are poor and are not able to shell out a random 50 grand a year or however much we have to pay, only to get a job that pays us less in 8 years than the money spent going to college for 4. But alas, there might be a savior! Financial aid! It might be nice to know that the government [might] have/has your back. And that maybe the school recognizes your talent and pays for your edumacation. But what about the rest of us with talent and is uber smart. We get nothing. Even if we beg and plead. We are forced by our own means to fork over the money and if we don't we are pretty much screwed. Hello MC Donald's good bye neurologist. Our parents don't have any money, and we certainly dont have any money. So then what.... Financial aid or whoever the sneaky little bastard that came up with it gave us an alternative to school scholarships or government grants.... LOANS! WHOOPPEEE!!! we get instant money without a catch!!! ....... wait a minute.... really? Yup says the bank here is your money just pay us back as soon as you get out of school. * bank smiles mischievously* Yup thats it, the story of our lives... most of us as soon as we get out of college, unless we have major connections will not get a high paying job that will satisfy the banks greed of the money we owe it.... oh ya did i mention the government loans money too? WTF! which is worse the bank banging on your door demanding money or the IRS banging your head in with a hammer just for the fun of it then asking for money.... hmmm
you choose. But back to loans... ok so say u really want to achieve in life but you have no money, you revived scholarships and grants but its just not enough, so your final option is loans... thats all dandy, you fill out your applications but its still not enough, by this time your like seriously WTF man... so you have to take out a private loan (worse kind) but in order to take out a private loan you need a cosigner, or the banks sneaky ass way of making sure they get paid. The cosigner has to have a good, if not excellent credit history. So you go to your parents, who have no money btw and ask them to cosign for you. that is like asking a howler monkey (horrible voice) to go sing for Simon on American Idol... Instant fail. So you try your older siblings perhaps... nope IRS is already breathing down their necks from their old loans... Like seriously i don't know if this is true for anybody else but its true for me, trying to find someone with good credit is like trying to drink the ocean with a straw..... f***ing impossible. And if you dont have a cosigner you can still try to apply for the loan but the chances of being denied increases by 80% so you are screwed either way. So right now you are stressing because the school is threatening to drop all of your classes the next day and eject you from the university (my case) if you dont get them their stinkin money... (its like the mafia i tell you). Its ashame that we must pay in order to get rich in this dumb@$$ capitolist society that we live in. So basically to students like us, Capitolism is holding the American dream and a $hitload of money in its hand above our hands and we are jumping to reach it. Which is like trying jump up and reach and airplane... f***ing impossible! So thank you for reading. Im royally screwed i cant achieve my dreams simply because i cant pay for them so until next time ta ta...

PS... F*** Capitolism

Untitled

In my corner,I'm crying inside
And my tears are hard to hide
Being happy is my toughest goal
"Look at her, she's such a freak."
Only to my friends,I speak
As I lie dead there in my soul.
You could help me, but you won't
You could make an extra effort, but don't
You just put the idea on the shelf
You made up your own mind
And decided to stay with your own 'kind'
As I lay dead, all by myself
My interests were new and 'weird'
Hey, it's not like you had cared...
So, from you,my uniqueness I will hide
I think that being just like you
will make me a part of your group
As I lie dead, originality inside
All the torture got to my head
I was alive, yet I was dead
And you were the worst,my mind you didn't save
BANG BANG! Bullets made of lead
Were the last thing that went through my head
And now, watch me as I lie dead in my GRAVE.